I WANT MY OLD CLOTHES TO GIVE ANOTHER TRANS PERSON GENDER EUPHORIA
My favourite shirt is a short-sleeved one, with a khaki, dark green and brown pattern.
It hides my hips, the colour suits my skin tone (if I do say so myself!) and patterned shirts have always been a staple in my wardrobe. I rarely wear loungewear, but the shirt makes me feel comfortable.
Nothing makes me feel more masculine or more like myself. For me, it’s the epitome of gender euphoria.
I love this shirt – but if it wasn’t for the LGBTQ+ clothes swaps I organise, I wouldn’t have it. Garments like these are just one of the ways I feel comfortable exploring my transness.
Growing up, I always felt as though my body should have been biologically male, but I had to get to a place where I could sit comfortably with that.
I’d felt peer pressure to be feminine since I was a teenager. Before I came out as transmaculine and non-binary around the age of 30, I could usually be found in a fitted feminine shirt and bow tie.
But when I started to dress more masculine to present as male and medically transition, I started dressing more plainly. I think I was trying to blend in.
It was actually lockdowns that helped me explore my identity because I lived far away from almost all my friends and family and was able to safely explore my identity.
Initially, I tried wearing more masculine clothes, like t-shirts and shirts that weren’t fitted to my hourglass figure. Soon, I felt like my authentic self.
I had a mix of both masculine and feminine things in my wardrobe for a long time and kept opting for the masculine ones. When my partner Katie and I moved in together, the feminine clothes were moved to the attic to make space for her wardrobe.
Then I experimented with makeup to change my face shape. I used contouring sticks to make my jawline more angular. I used eyebrow pens to make my eyebrows thicker, I used them to see what I’d look like with a beard, even watching tutorials on YouTube.
Then, I ordered a binder to flatten my chest.
It wasn’t long until I felt happier when I looked in the mirror, but I wanted other people to notice that difference too – and I was still being recognised as female.
Before I changed things physically, I came out to my parents in January 2021.
They were accepting, but it has taken them a while to get into the habit of using my new name and pronouns. My close friends have been amazing and I’m very lucky to have such great people around me.
After that, I completed a deed poll to change my name – and began to take testosterone.
My voice started to change instantly, I started getting hairier quickly and my body was relatively slow to change shape, but it’s still been a dramatic difference.
The improvement in my mental health was incredible, and after I followed that up with top surgery last year, I felt confidence like I never imagined.
But the welcome changes to my body meant that I had clothes that either didn’t fit me anymore or I no longer felt comfortable wearing.
So I just kept swapping clothes out from my wardrobe to the attic, unsure what to do with them.
Then I heard about LGBTQ+ clothes swaps after spotting a charity online while exploring my transitioning journey.
Clothes swaps prevent clothes from going to landfills and create a safe space for people to explore their style and gender without breaking the bank.
I thought it was a brilliant idea so I searched online to see if there was one near me, but couldn’t find any locally in Leeds. So I decided to take matters into my own hands and put on my own show in 2022.
I had to find a venue, advertise my event online, get equipment, find volunteers, and secure insurance.
Of course, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. I was worried no one would show up, or that my preparation would have been wrong and nothing would work.
But the opposite was true.
I had recently set up my business to provide specialist financial planning to LGBTQ+ people, so I made it the sponsor of the clothes swap event. This helped us buy everything we needed – from pop-up changing rooms, clothes rails, hangers, and bags.
On the day of the event, Katie – who had since become my wife – and friends volunteered to lend a hand.
Around 40 people came to the event, and all said that it was a great idea they’d like to see more of in the future.
My clothes from the attic also found a new home.
It’s been heartwarming to see people get joy out of all the things I’ve donated, especially the patterned shirts. And it’s been brilliant for me to swap them for things like my new khaki, dark green and brown shirt.
The event was such a success that I decided to host another one that October.
Since then, we’ve gone from strength to strength.
We’ve got friends who regularly volunteer and Katie has been to every swap so far. We’ve put on other swaps in other towns and cities like Manchester, Stockport, and Kirkcaldy.
We’ve even occasionally had specialists like a bra fitter, make-up artist, or gender-neutral hairdresser, who help people for free.
There are so many moments that melt my heart from our clothes swaps.
At one, I met G, who was using a new name and masculine pronouns.
Unfortunately, G’s parents denied his transness and refused to support his transition. But he needed to explore his feelings, so he came along to pick out some clothes.
After he introduced himself, we had fun picking out things he might like.
He went into the toilets to change and he came out with confidence and excitement in his eyes. Finally, gender euphoria.
These are the stories that keep us going.
I couldn’t have done it without my wife.
Now we’re a community interest company and I’m joined by my two good friends, Luce and Patrick. In the future, we want to expand locations throughout the UK.
Clothes have the power to make people feel comfortable with who they are and I’m so proud to be helping others achieve that.
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