'LEAVING A LEGACY LIKE A DEWDROP ON A LOTUS LEAF' - ASIAN INDIANS REDEFINE AGING IN AMERICA
Grandma’s lifting kettlebells
“I’m doing things I’ve never done before in my life,” says Nita Abraham* (62), as she hefts a 20-pound kettlebell upward, feet firmly planted on the deck of her lanai. “I’m using kettlebells and doing pushups and planks, but not because I want to lose weight.” Behind Abraham, an avid gardener, a profusion of leafy fronds frames a serene view of the neighborhood pond shimmering in the Florida sunshine. “I care about my well-being well into the future,” she smiles. “It’s a pivot from what our grandparents used to do.”
Abraham and her husband moved to Southern Florida when they became empty nesters during the pandemic, leaving a longtime home in Chicago where they raised three daughters. Now a grandmother of two, and a licensed real estate broker, Abraham looks forward to an active, semi-retired life. “But” she adds, “I want to be healthy for as long as I can as I grow older.”
Adapting to America
Immigrants like Abraham are redefining what it means to be Asian Indian and age in America. In India, for generations, growing older was viewed as a time to withdraw from the material world. But Indian-origin immigrants in America are carving out a new vision of old age by shrugging off expectations of aging determined by collectivist South Asian societies.
The North American perspective of successful aging says Dr. Mushira Khan, a healthy aging researcher at the Mather Institute in Evanston, IL, is “for the most part more individualized,” and includes physical exercise, and a focus on better cognitive health.
Another study, by anthropologist Annapurna Pandey from the University of California, Santa Cruz, offers insights into the changing life experiences of older Asian Indian immigrants. Her study “Getting Old in North America: The Dilemmas of Diasporic Indians” in Culture Change in India (March 2024), found that attitudes and expectations were shifting away from the traditional views of the Indian philosophy of life towards a new vision of better aging.
Abraham arrived in the U.S. in her twenties at the start of the 1980s tech boom. Thirty-five years later, living in the U.S. has reshaped her view of what growing older could be.
“My research shows they don’t want to admit they are old,” says Pandey. Instead, changing attitudes among aging Asian Indians blend the collectivist values of the East with a Western individualist view for a more challenging, but less passive path into the future.
Tweaking the Indian philosophy of life
Traditional Indian philosophy observes four stages to provide structure and guidance for daily life. Pandey explains that the first stage of Brahmacharya emphasizes student life, followed by Grihastha, the householder phase, where individuals focus on family, work, and worldly responsibilities.
The last two stages of life in this system are devoted to old age, adds Pandey. Retired life or Vanaprashta marks the transition to detachment – a phase where elders disengage from mundane and material pursuits. In the last stage, Sanyasa, they are expected to renounce material desires and focus on spiritual growth and inner life.
But that cultural perspective is morphing into a version that better represents the new wave of younger Asian Indian immigrants, who moved to the U.S. between the 70s and 80s. They are transforming Vanaprashta – the traditional view of retirement – with a cross-cultural stance that merges the tenets of an Indian upbringing with an American sensibility. These immigrants may be downsizing their lifestyle and pursuing spiritual growth, but they’re also investing in their health, well-being, and independence for a more dynamic vision of aging well.
Following the footsteps of faith
This non-traditional outlook took San Jose resident and retired engineer Vijay Rajvaidya to the other side of the world in Oct 2023, to begin a remarkable journey on foot through the Kutch peninsula in Gujarat, western India. Rajvaidya is realizing his spiritual dream – recreating the Padayatra – a famous pilgrimage across India undertaken by the Vedic scholar and sage Adi Shankaracharya to visit 12 Jyotirlinga temples dedicated to the powerful Hindu deity Lord Shiva.
Rajvaidya, whose 71 years sit lightly on his tall, spare frame, has already completed two legs of the yatra (journey), walking from early dawn along highways and through forests and remote villages, with just a phone for company. In May 2022, under a scorching Indian sun with temperatures reaching a blistering 116 degrees Fahrenheit, Rajvaidya walked from Shri Mahakaleshwar temple in Ujjain, Madhya Pradesh, to Shri Omkareshwar temple, 100 miles to the south along the Narmada river.
His next trip to Gujarat, a 330-mile trek, took 15 days, walking 30 to 35 miles a day through the Gir forest, home to the Asiatic lion, leopards, and other wildlife. The Padayatra demands fitness and commitment from its pilgrims – a grueling journey that’s physically challenging at any age.
Rajvaidya attributes his determination to experience the sanctity of this arduous pilgrimage to a universal cosmic energy represented by Lord Shiva, the deity that links the chain of Jyotirlinga temples. The transformative power of spirituality is the engine that powers his physical self. He says, “When you get to this physical extreme, your mind, your body, everything becomes different In a way you switch on your body to communicate with that energy. That’s what my feeling is.” Rajvaidya aims to raise funds to support educational initiatives in India.
What’s interesting is despite the individualist slant to their life’s journeys, both Abraham and Rajvaidya have embarked on paths imbued with the spiritual undertones of Vanaprashta.
Seeking Gerotranscendence
A recent study of older South Asian adults published in the Journal of Religion, Spirituality & Aging (September 2023), indicates that they appear to retain some fundamental aspects of the Indian philosophy of aging. Dr. Mushira Khan presented her findings at a Gerontological Society of America (GSA) panel in Tampa, Florida in November 2023 and reported that healthy aging among South Asian older adults entailed ‘gerotranscendence.’
Khan says this theory of aging encompasses “a less materialistic and more cosmic worldview, graceful acceptance of death, and an increase in altruistic behavior.”
This worldview is reflected by Mala Nair *(73), a retired psychiatrist who lives in Seattle. “My sense of purpose is very oriented in Indian philosophy,” she says. “I accept that I will die one day; none of us are going to live beyond 100. When I die, I’d like to look back and feel that I did everything I could to fulfill my purpose of being born as a human being. My goal is to achieve moksha (liberation from the karmic cycle of birth and death).”
One participant in her study says Dr. Khan, shared an immersive routine she practices every morning. “I spend five minutes just going through all of my senses from head to toe. My eyes are working, I can still see fine. I can still breathe fine. I can still hear everything. And then I send my gratitude to my Creator, that I’m alive, and everything’s working.”
Nita Abraham is equally philosophical about what the future holds. “Dying is inevitable,” she says. Her faith has always guided her footsteps. Abraham admits that the realization that she’s healthy, mobile, and has a family that cares as she grows older, has changed her inner dialog with God. “It’s taken me 62 years to realize how to find that blessing. Now instead of saying I have all these things to do and my body hurts, I say thank you God that I have a body that moves.”
Independence from Adult Children
Another significant cultural shift that emerged in Dr. Khan’s study was that older parents did not want to rely on their children. “This was a consistent theme,” she remarked. “Just two decades ago, there was this cultural expectation, okay, my son or even daughter, they’re going to take care of me in my old age. But people who have lived and worked and played, if you will, in the U.S. all their lives, want to hold on to their independence as long as they can without burdening their children.”
This perspective says Annapurna Pandey, “recognizes that their children are American, have grown up here, and have their own independent life.”
Abraham and her husband cherish their intergenerational bonds with their adult children and grandchildren. But rather than rely on a collectivist future in which their daughters could make decisions for them, the couple is ensuring they’ll have the independence to do that themselves.
Traditionally, in the Indian community, the elders tend to take less responsibility for their healthcare, says Abraham, depending instead on adult children to make those critical decisions. “In general, we tend to focus on education, wealth, and position, but attention to long-term health is often an afterthought.” It’s a burden of care that Abraham hopes to not pass on to her children.
“I understand I may not be able to make those decisions for myself, but if I can delay this as long as possible by being intentional with my exercise and eating habits I would be thrilled. Watching my dad has taught me that as long as I’m able if I take care of myself now, that’s less of a burden on my children. It really comes down to intentionality, temperance, and discipline, a battle that I have to fight for every day.”
Planning for end-of life issues
It’s a view shared by Seattle-based Mala Nair. “I want to be as independent as possible,” she insists. “I don’t ever want to go and live with my children.”
Nair, who retired in 2019 following a long career with the VA and state hospital systems in Michigan, Washington State, and California, understands the demanding nature of career building in the U.S. “You work very hard to get your identity as a physician,” she explains. In fact, Nair still maintains her medical license and keeps up with CME continuing education classes. She has imparted her work ethic to both her children, a veterinarian, and a lawyer.
“I don’t mind the aging process at all,” adds Nair. “But to give up the license is somehow taking a part of myself and giving it away.”
“After the children were born, I was fiercely determined that they would be independent people who could survive in this world. You know what I mean, it takes a lot of work to see that they grow in the right way and get there.”
While Nair doesn’t rule out moving closer to her children, and would even consider a retirement home, she and her husband are making concrete plans about their health, finances, and medical insurance.
“We have our medical power of attorney in place,” she says. “If I become that helpless, I would like my children to turn into somebody who would supervise my care rather than have to take care of me physically.”
The intergenerational contract
It’s about renegotiating the intergenerational contract between parents and adult children, says Dr. Mushira Khan, who published her findings in the Journal of Aging Studies (2023). This concept frames the philosophy, “When you’re young, your parents take care of you, with the understanding that when parents are old, the children will step in and take care of them.”
“That is changing,” says Khan, and parents are adapting to this new circumstance. “It’s almost like a resourceful, adaptive strategy on the part of the parents.”
While parents want independence, they still want to live close to their children and grandchildren, stepping in to preserve emotional bonds and remain connected to grandchildren, while providing support as needed. “It gives them meaning and sense of purpose,” Khan explains.
The key here is economic independence, adds Pandey. “Economic independence gives a sense of comfort, a sense of selfhood. So, they are not dependent on their children, but at the same time, they perform their duty towards their children.”
That duty could mean helping out with grandchildren – Nair occasionally babysits her 4-year-old granddaughter on weekends – but that obligation is less about discharging childcare tasks than transferring culture and wisdom to the next generation.
A Sentiment About Legacy
“This is a sentiment that’s expressed multiple times – what am I leaving behind?” says Dr. Khan about each time she’s interviewed older adults, especially those older than 65, over the past decade. Participants feel a profound obligation “to preserve their role as cultural transmitters and keepers of traditional wisdom” to pass on to the next generation.
“I feel like as long as I’m alive and available, I should be useful,” says Mala Nair. In her morning prayers, she performs the Lalita Sahasranamam – a Sanskrit recital invoking 1000 names of God to confer fearlessness on people in her life. In 2020 she started teaching Malayalam, the language of her native Kerala, once a week online to students from her Satsang.
“Now I am the holder of the values we brought from India, that my parents disseminated, if you like. I want to make sure that I give it to my children and my grandchildren before I die. I see myself as having a role in their lives, not in an economic sense, but in a very spiritual and cultural way. I want them to know that they are more than this country offers and there is more they can embrace.”
For Geetha Iyengar, 79, who lives independently at Priya Living, a retirement home for Asian Indians in Santa Clara, going back to India is not an option. “I’ve lived in the U.S. for the better part of my life,” she says. “I’ve been away from India for so long I don’t know if I will fit in.”
Instead, Iyengar keeps in touch with her culture through her evening prayers. ”I sing a song to a deity – different songs each day – to Lord Ganesha, to Balaji, to Shiva, and one to Saraswathi. That’s my offering. When I start singing I forget everything. It gives me peace.
“I’m learning to accept growing old in a graceful way,” she adds. “Nobody lives forever. It’s a natural phenomenon. I feel that as older people we have to have a purpose in life.”
For Iyengar, that means maintaining her health so she won’t be a burden on her children who already have childcare responsibilities. “I want to do things that motivate my grandchildren especially,” says Iyengar. “Making a positive impact on my loved ones by being a good example, a role model to my grandchildren. That is my purpose.”
A dewdrop on a lotus leaf
For Asian Indian elders, successful aging revolves around finding independence, gerotranscendence, seeking peace, and a sense of purpose, while leaving behind a legacy of cultural values. Their journey into the latter stages of life, says Dr. Khan, is anchored by faith-based activities, spiritual well-being practices, increased volunteering opportunities, and meaningful intergenerational engagement.
One of the grandmothers in a study published in Innovation in Aging (2021) told Khan, ‘I feel like I’m a dewdrop on a lotus leaf.” She likened nurturing her children and grandchildren to dew’s essential role in synchronizing plants’ inner water to help activate photosynthesis.
Dewdrops form a protective, purifying layer on a leaf, encouraging the leaf to thrive.
“But then it effortlessly slides off when the time comes. And you won’t even know that the dewdrop was there.”
“And yet it’s done its bit.”
This article was written with the support of a journalism fellowship from The Gerontological Society of America, The Journalists Network on Generations, and The John A. Hartford Foundation.
*name changed at request
References
Getting Old in North America, The Dilemmas of Diasporic Indians, by Annapurna Devi Pandey, Culture Change in India. 1st Edition. 2024. Routledge India.
Khan MM. Of duty and diaspora: (Re)negotiating the intergenerational contract in South Asian Muslim families. J Aging Stud. 2023 Sep;66:101152. doi: 10.1016/j.jaging.2023.101152. Epub 2023 Jun 23. PMID: 37704270.
Khan, M.M, & Shah, S. (2023). “We are all spiritual beings on a human journey”: gerotranscendence and generativity in the stories of South Asian American older adults. Journal of Religion, Spirituality & Aging, 1-16.
Mushira Khan, Sheetal Shah, Ajla Basic, Like A Dew Drop On A Lotus Leaf: Perceptions Of Aging Well In South Asian American Older Adults, Innovation in Aging, Volume 5, Issue Supplement_1, 2021, Pages 1010–1011, https://doi.org/10.1093/geroni/igab046.3622
The post ‘Leaving A Legacy Like A Dewdrop On A Lotus Leaf’ – Asian Indians Redefine Aging In America appeared first on India Currents.
2024-04-19T03:26:49Z dg43tfdfdgfd